Missing

 I am truly foolish that I'm going back down the spiral. It all started with finding photos for my friend's birthday. And then I saw my photos of him.

Then I went to look back on my igs stories of him, and I recalled how happy I felt with him. And then I started the little messages I had exchanged with him (whatever screenshots left, since I already deleted my entire conversation with him). And I realised; just how pushy I was. But I also understand myself. I was spiralling in anxiety, that I knew I was not myself. I usually don't behaved like that. I know that I probably forced him into a corner, and was super aggressive and dismissive of his feelings at the last part. I think it's because I was so anxious already.

But that didn't excuse his broken promises. How he reassured that he would tell me by that date, and he didn't. At the same time; I'm glad we didn't work out, otherwise I wouldn't have gone to Japan. 

I then came across his chat dp; and realised he just changed it recently. Into a moody kind, yet I think it was taken at ArtScience museum. Which means, he's probably dating someone now, because nobody goes there alone. And my heart breaks again, but I know we were not meant to be together. I had blocked him during my entire time in japan because I didn't want to think about dating. I was so traumatised. 

I miss him, but I also know he isn't the right person, and can only hope he is happier now.