Lonely

I feel rather down lately. Seems like I have bad mood swings but I have to know the right way to cope with my mood. I feel like I just want to travel overseas and just run away from all my commitments. Honestly I don't have much commitments but the pressure, more like social pressure, is hard for me. I made many friends last year but it seems like this semester, most of them are overseas for exchanges/ doing internships so I'm pretty much lonely. But my seniors are really nice but it's still hard for me to open up to them. I kind of really miss the people around me last year.

I also don't intend to take ___ seriously. I mean it's fun and all, but I don't mean to do it for real. I also feel frightened. I don't feel belonged to any group or any categories. Just really out-of-place. I don't know how to get close to any of the seniors without sending the wrong signals. I think they're really incredible and I really respect their passion and they're really really good at it. Which also means they won't want to get close to people like me, who doesn't want to take it seriously.

I wished I have the chance to learn a life skill but I missed that opportunity..... But there's a lot of opportunities which would be different but all I can do now is to wait. Feels like I'm at the beginning of this really long path and I don't know what to do. Taking responsibilities is really a pain in the ass. I like things to be done properly, and to the best of my abilities. I feel damn guilty for not taking it seriously but I also feel lazy.

My friends who used to live with me are no longer here. Pretty hard when all I want to do is to talk. It's difficult to have no one to study outside with. I think my symptoms show that I'm really lonely hahaha dear me....