Influence

People do say that a person's past says a lot about him. I do believe in that, and in the past, I would never let myself like someone with a fwb past. I thought it meant that this person would not know the meaning of treasuring one's body, but over time, I've came to realise that everyone's decision is to be respected. Some have their own preference of enjoying sex, and some think that it is not okay to be giving away your body freely. Everyone is unique and having preferences is just fine with me.

Now, I'm feeling conflicted. I don't know if I like him as more than friends, or do I like the fact that he seems so clear about his interest in me? Of course, a clear indication of interest means there is no confusion, and that's something I like.

Would I just let a guy touch me? I think I would, but just not any guys. Close guy friends also don't touch me, except hugging. Am I supposed to sense some butterflies when I meet him? I currently do face a little nervousness, but that's about it.

He is not as driven as I thought. In fact he is quite chill. He is physically attractive, except his height. I do like to talk to him, except that nowadays, he has been teasing me more than giving me substance to think about. I like to be intellectually stimulated, but right now I don't feel that way. I think we have to talk more about our vulnerable sides.

Without opening up, how can I see him for who he is? I don't have to force myself to like him, or be anxious about it. I think it is crucial to see him for who he is, and be clear about my dislikes (i.e. name-calling).

I want to take it slow. I want to just enjoy time with him, not because I want a relationship/ time to get into one. That's stupid. It wouldn't last if I felt that way. I really do like tall guys because they give me a sense of security, and masculinity. But that is a good to have, I guess.

My friend's opinion of him has really influenced my thinking of him. At first, I couldn't wait to meet him and talk to him. Now, I feel like I'm observing him critically if he is a pervert or not i.e. hidden motive. Not all guys are monsters, so I need to believe in some good.

Let's have zero expectations. I don't have to force myself to like him, but just stay in the present moment. I can do this, I am strong enough to make decisions without others influencing me.