Monday, November 30, 2020

Bringing him home

 My bf finally came over to my place. It has been something we've been planning for a long time (a month?) and I've been rly nervous for him and my fam. Ofc I hoped he would make a good impression on them, but I also felt judged by my fam whether I made the right choice of choosing him (or rather to proceed with the relationship). I rmbr my father saying like he rly wanted to meet the guy who captured his high standard daughter (ehem he didn't know about the japan guy). So ya, I felt pressured that my dad realises that I can make the "right" decisions. But on hindsight, I shouldn't feel that way because there is no right decision at this current juncture. I'm with him because it felt right for now. What may change in the future is something we can't predict but I'd definitely work hard for us. 

Anyway they had a pretty good impression of him I think? My mum and sibling gave him 8/10 which is seriously a high score. I asked my mom and she said she had the feeling that my bf rly pampers me a lot, while my bro said he felt that my bf is v down to earth, there's substance in what he says, and he wasn't an idiot HAHAHA.

My dad didn't want to give a rating but he said he is okay. I won't ask my dad further cus it may cause some biases in my perception of him. Anyway I was really glad to see that my choice to be with him is good, since he really sounded very knowledgeable. I was honestly quite impressed with how he probed and answered their questions. He knew a few things of my sibling's interest about the computer and photography, which probably also impressed my sib. For me, I got to see a different side of him, the mature and aware side of him.

When my dad left my room, my bf whispered to me about how he is doing and I said pretty good. He kind of puckered his lips and I gave him a quick peck on his lips and he smiled. What a cutie.

Otw back, he asked me how he did and I said I would give him 10/10, and that I believed he made a very good impression (which is true). My dad told him he is an intelligent guy, which he was quite surprised and he personally told me it must have been out of politeness. 

I asked my dad about it and he said he doesn't just say if a person is intelligent. He felt that his general knowledge is pretty good and he rly worked hard to get to where he is now. I could tell my dad was also seeking my approval if he did well in not making my bf awkward (yes he did, but he talked way too much until I felt super tired too). 

Anyway I had a hard time eating dinner because I wasn't sure about what I portrayed myself as: a daughter or a girlfriend. That was a struggle indeed. 

I feel like I'm more assured when he met my fam, so I know he really wasn't joking about our relationship. Before we parted, he said love you, and I said thanks and goodnight. Helps.

On text, I thanked him for making the effort to get to know us, and he replied, "You are worth it."

I'm really touched that I have such a beautiful soul as my boyfriend, who is also understanding and considerate.

Oh we went to choose Royce chocolate and I said my dad likes dark chocolate; about 60% would be good. I looked at the matcha and said well, something different would work too. He joked, "am I buying it for your dad or for you", and I gave him puppy eyes. I said well, matcha works too and he said to be safe, he would buy both. One for me and one for my fam. Awww TT

I feel like I'm not totally in love with him yet, but I really know that he is really a good boyfriend. I want to treasure him, but at the same time, I wish I could get to know him better. I feel like he knows alot about me, but I don't know much about him. He doesn't really tell me things (since he tends to keep things to himself) and I feel like getting to know his childhood friend is a step that I have to take very soon. It is also an opener to seeing him with his close friends and this will help me know more about him as a person. I love him, but it takes time for me to say it. Hypocritical, but it is true. 

I like him, I feel happy with him, and I feel safe with him too. Shielding me from the rain isn't lost on me, and I'm really surprised. I don't know what he sees in me to commit to me, but I choose him and I will commit to him. We'll fix our obstacles in time to come, but I hope to give him happiness too. 

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