Dream

 I cried as I deleted my tele conversation with him. My friend said even if I'm sure of him, if he is not sure of me, it won't work out. In this case, he's not sure about himself.

Anyway, I loved him and that's why it's still so hard on me. But the opposite of love is indifference. 

When I saw our texts, God. His warmth reverberated through me. Physically and emotionally. When he told me that I'm capable, smart and driven, and to not let whatever bad bosses, make me lose my drive or demotivate me.

Fuck sis, I really loved him. How did I fall so hard for this man after knowing him for 3 months? 

I continue to shed tears, but I know I will forget about him. I will push him out of my mind until he becomes distant. 

I hate this lesson, and I wished it ended better. I loved you Ben, through this 3 mths. It was short, but you gave me so much: the peace and joy. And you gave me knife cutting hurt and pain. 

The amount of disrespect shows how emotionally immature you are, and your insecurities. 

You're crazy. Yet I still dream of tracing my hands over the scar beside your eye. And I still dream for that embrace behind my back; and even the tight hug as you sniff my hair. How you held my hands. And how you looked at me with such gentle eyes and the soft wry smile of yours. How you teased me cutie and said you're afraid you cannot control yourself. Hella sexy.

I dream of touching your cheek, and you finally letting me into your world of darkness, and letting me light it up. I dream of you whispering loving words and supportive words to me as we lay down. Cuddling. I dream of your hand finally reaching for my face and tilting it up, as you bend over to place your lips over mine. Softly, just as you softly kissed my cheek back then. The genuine connection was there, it's not easy for me to find that but this happens.

I dream of the day I find a love like this, and it's even better than what I dream of.