I don't want to fall back again.
I'm feeling disappointed in myself. I could do well in this subject in the past 1.2 years and suddenly, its like... something in me got too complacent despite myself telling myself repeatedly to never feel that way. I failed terribly for mid years for this subject, with my standing in this subject changing so drastically from perhaps like, top 25 percentile to the bottom 5 percentile. That really, really, crushed me. My confidence and my pride was utterly trampled on.
Right now it's no better. It's like a turning point. I just feel so afraid when I read some english articles I literally feel my heart pounding. Mid years was really a traumatic experience. I just lost my confidence.
I have no time. This is not a question of whether you want to regain your confidence. YOU MUST REGAIN IT. You got to keep telling yourself that, hey. Your primary language is English. You have been in touch with English longer than others. You have read many books since you were a kid. You have always (almost perhaps) excelled in it (at least you are always above 60 percentile).
Take this midyears with a pinch of salt. Things will never go down like that again. You've experienced worst results of like 0.6 percentile before so this is nothing. Besides, you have way more experience than others, that's guaranteed. In no time, you definitely can pick it up again.
Failure is inevitable. But it is the courage to continue that counts.
Got to get that feeling back. I will grab that subject and tell it face to face that look, I'm your master. You shall continue to be my pride so don't ever run away. All right, let's do this right.
