It's 2am and my mind is still racing even though my body is tired. I'm really having second thoughts about this job.
Started on Mon, and somehow they kept asking me many questions about the projects. Obviously, I don't know much?? I read emails and let my boss answer since I'm not at the stage that I can answer them myself. I'm trying to learn, but I keep getting interrupted by meetings, and even then, there's hardly things to contribute when I'm only 3 days old (minus the Monday, since that day is filled with just HR and IT things).
When I tried taking an initiative, my boss asked me to add on more things, but I'm just feeling things around. Once I'm more familiar, I would be able to add on more things.
Tbh, I feel like its really a downer that she's hard to get along with, and she's the only person on my team. I'm at her beck and call, and I also can't really do a proper job when she speaks so loud and I can't catch some words. She didn't really take initiative to get to know me better, in fact she's just... busy.
In a new industry with no one to guide me on the procedures, I'm so lost. Today, the client complained that we are behind time. She said to me angrily the meeting room like "XX complained, YY complained, ZZ is going to complain". I just stared at her, because, as much as I like to help, I still catch no balls about what is happening now. She explains in pieces, and I just don't know what to look out for.
It's really depressing being helpless, yet I know it's not fair to me, because I'm so new, and she shouldn't be getting frustrated and angry at me. What does she expect me to do in the first week? Lol. Plus, she had 15 years of experience compared to me.
Client kept missing out info, and I assumed she knew what is it, either over call, or through standard practises. How would I know when to chase clients, when I don't know the standard practises yet?
The team were also close knitted, and didn't really involve us. Is this the infamous politics? No clue. But it definitely makes this experience even more harder than what it already is. The only thing I can do is to keep trying to help (though she doesn't reply my messages too - and only calls at night, after work...).
I got to be patient and kind to myself, even if she isn't, or rather even if no one is. I remember I suffered during my first 3 months of my first job, so this should be similar. Once I get the hang of it, hopefully it'll be much more easier to do things faster.
I'm also worried about my health. Seeing them eat so much despite sitting all day (my boss is also a heavy smoker), I wonder how to make time for my exercises during the weekdays. As if this isn't depressing already...
My boss and I also has this generation gap, while the other members were quite okay and close together. I kind of envy them ): I wished I have a better mentor who doesn't cough every hour, friendly, and able to explain things patiently. Sigh, at this rate, I can only be hopeful that I last a year. Or at least when she quits,, hopefully a replacement will be much closer to my age and of course, hope I'm already capable enough. Rip...
