I am in a turmoil. I feel like I have to ask him to choose between me or his friendship with the girl. We talked about our communication problems two days ago, and it was a thought provoking conversation.
Anyway, so this morning I happened to look at Facebook, and I came across the "friends suggestion", and the girl's FB was there. "Fine," I thought, as I clicked it open. I saw a series of photos, and status updates she had with him, some were even recent. Then I realised, oh perhaps because he was the "mutual friend" we had, so that's why FB was showing me these. Then I looked to the left of the screen and I saw multiple photos he had with her. I was particularly drawn to one, and I recalled that hey, I think I've seen this before.
I whipped out my phone, and went straight to her IG account. I had seen this subtly in one of her photos she posted in February this year. She was posing in front of a photo displayer in her bedroom, with multiple photos pinned. I immediately spotted the photo, although his face was slightly obscured. It was the exact photo on FB, meaning she had printed them to pin it up. I was in shock, and sick to the stomach. How much more clingy can she get? How much more obsessed can she be?
She already knew he had a partner, and yet still posted this (although obscured). I'm just so sick of her. I see that she was just someone who doesn't know how to draw a line.
1. She gave gifts to him excessively: a shirt, a bag and even a long crunched up handwritten letter. My boyfriend had let me read it, and it said along the line how she thought they had met at the wrong time, how she wished they could go back to the past. I had asked him if he thought the same way about it being the wrong time, and he said no, he had not thought of it like that.
2. In Oct, I was out with him and I coincidentally saw a message pinged to him. She asked if they could hang out on her birthday; go gai gai, eat at a cafe, and so on. I mean if you're close friends, like legit friends, that's fine. But no girl, please remember you two are not normal friends. You were fwb, without the PiV. How would your friend's partner feel? You are either a psycho to try to break the relationship or just damn dumb. My boyfriend still asked me if he could hang out with her for 2 hours, but ya, I'm so sick of this.
3. I recently heard from my friend (who knew about this) that our mutual friend told him that the girl told this guy that my boyfriend used to be interested in her. I have repeatedly confirmed with him and he said he was never interested in her. She even indirectly confessed to him, and he rejected her in year one. Fucking psycho bitch to spread that kind of rumours. Not sure what's she doing, but I think to do so, is damn sad because she is just seeking attention, validation and pity from others.
4. My boyfriend casually mentioned to his group that his part-time job company is hiring and she asked him to refer her to the boss, because she is looking for a job. Okay excuse me, firstly, the company isn't very good. Secondly, c'mon you have more balls than this right? Go and find other companies for a job. Again, so damn disrespectful of my relationship with him.
5. The photo is the last straw. I remember that they stopped things in Dec 2019 (my boyfriend was very clear on that). But the strange thing is that he never told me they met again in Jan 2020, one month after that? I feel very distrustful of him, because he left out details like that. I thought he told her that she should not contact him for at least 3 months until she is truly over him, so why Jan 2020?
6. Other photos of her and my boyfriend in the past still remained on IG. There was even a photo of her being carried back by him back then. Still left there, for all to see.
I feel that she is a completely psycho or cunning person, who is just hounding on us breaking up so that she can try to make another move again. She is just there, waiting. And just so blatantly disrespectful towards your "close" friend's relationship. If someone I know does that, I wouldn't want to be his/her friend because it's just so bad.
I also don't think I can keep giving leeway to her and my boyfriend, so I guess we'll have to put an end to it by end of April or early May. This simply can't go on, because it's disrespectful to me and harming the relationship in the long run. If he chooses her, then so be it. If he chooses me and still feel resentful about having to make the choice, then it just simply means that we don't see eye to eye about it. This is about respect and appropriateness. It is a huge red flag if he calls me insecure or jealous without ending his friendship because he doesn't consider my feelings.
People always say that old friends always come before new significant others, but there's always an exception to the rule. This is an exception.
Also, I've been thinking, this fwb is about self gratification. Now the question about this sort of behavior is the way he treats sex. Is it just merely a physical urge and not something that is fundamental to a relationship? He may have changed, but I have to question about this.
But on another note, I also cannot dictate but merely request him. Has he done anything that warrants my distrust with him? I think it's the small things of finding out that makes me feel like huh, why did he not tell me? Is he really being truthful? I guess...
