The tightness in my chest grows.
Was I waiting all these time, just to hear you say those words?
The excitement and longing in me dies down, and beneath it, the raging fire grows, simmering small yet gradually getting bigger.
Why did you say that? Have you ever tried fighting for my interest?
Are you finally happy that your words have erased the doubt in their minds, to hold the long string wrapped around my neck?
Ever know the weight of your words? My words are so tiny compared to yours. You speak in a sure way, decisive of the path for me.
I long so badly for freedom. To live impulsively. To undo the string around my neck, and to just, please, let me live my life.
The disappointment weighs heavy on my heart. Have you ever, really... Thought of me? Ever missed me?
You never mentioned about me to your friends. The nagging thought that I'm so afraid to admit... Were you embarrassed of me? Why?
I'm really proud of you, of what you are. You are my brother, yet so distant.
After six weeks, you are finally home. I reached home late in the night, tired, yet I really did miss you.
I waited to talk to you, listening to my pops repeat everything I know, to let you know what you missed. Yet suddenly the discussion turned to me and this is what I get.
I should not have waited.
Brother, you have no idea how proud you make me with your achievements, yet you really do disappoint me.
If you really wanted to say these, couldn't it be private between us siblings first? Before you say those words to them. You know how quickly they change their minds to support you.
Have you ever said, "Wait. I think we can let her decide. This is my opinion, but I think if she really wants to go, let her go. Knowing her, she probably already weighed the pros and cons, and if she decided to go anyway, its her choice."
I think, I do not want to see you anytime soon. I will go away.
You are selfish to not realise the impact of your words.
As you spoke those words, I finally realised the dread in the pits of my stomach. Because of you, the decision has been made. Whatever I say in the future, it won't change their minds.
Are you fucking happy that you ruined this? What have I been planning for? Looking forward to?
You have my thanks for ruining this day, the day I was excitedly looking forward to seeing you. Ironic.
