Passing of a friend

Just yesterday, I received an appalling news.

An acquaintance or rather, someone I knew personally in high school, has passed on.

I had just awakened groggily in the noon and flipped my phone open to check for messages. Instead of the usual kind of teasing or mundane jokes, news about his passing greeted me.

I was stunned. I just couldn't believe it.
And until now, I'm still in shock.

I had seen him a year ago at the train station, in passing. It was evening and I had just ended work, and happily looking forward to reaching home. As the train arrived, we bumped into each other. He had smiled and greeted me with a 'hello', and I greeted him back. Even back then, I was thinking to myself, how is it that he still recognized me even after not seeing each other for so long?

He was that jovial. His positive vibe could infect anyone else, and he was sincerely, sincerely, a good man. Even though I wasn't close to him, I had a good impression of him. And that made his passing even more impossible to me.

He just wasn't the kind of person to die early. Just by interacting with him, you just thought that he has a long way in life. He was masculine, healthy, and like a normal person with a sense of humor. He would have gotten a girlfriend easily.

And I wished I had talked to him longer that day.

I remember during my study aboard, I had scrolled through his instagram (btw, he had kept track of what I was doing by 'liking' my photos even though we didn't talk much). How I wished I dropped him a message while I was doing that. I remember thinking to myself, ah he had entered the same university and faculty as me. I would see him soon after I go back to school. His passing was 2 days before I entered school again. So close yet so far.

He was not someone I am close to, but I really feel sadness and regret about his passing. He was too young. We are too young. And life ahead him was still long (that's my utmost sadness that he didn't get to experience it). His death is hitting me now.

I had just transferred to the present high school, and I was nervous about joining the orientation group outing. A reason why I ended up enjoying the outing was because of his comfortable presence. He was just like that. Open to anyone.

His death, really, makes, no sense.

I don't see him suffering from any illnesses, nor do I see him depressed (so suicide should be out of the question). An accident? Or just an unexplained death? Even with all the scientific advancements we have now, we still don't know.

What really happened?

My sincere condolence to his parents. I watched a video of his parents, outstretched, picking up his bones from the crematory and putting into a white vase. My heart breaks at the thought of this young man, with a beautiful smile, positive vibes, and now being reduced to bones. Way too early.

Your Death had no warning. No clues like illnesses that would give you or us telling signs. That is what hits me the hardest. You did not have time to prepare to say farewell. Your parents did not have the time to prepare their mentality for their only son to die before their own time.

Sometimes, even now, I want to shout out to heavens or whoever is up there. This is not fair. For this man, who did nothing wrong, no criminal offences, did you have to take him away so abruptly? What about his friends? He had so many cliques and I'm sure they are all mourning more than me. What about his ageing parents who have given their all to raise him up? I really find this utterly cruel.

JK.

To you, whom I share half of my name with.

To you, although it was a short time knowing you, you have impacted my life. I hope that you really had been given a better purpose up there that you had to leave us early.

May we meet again in the next life.

Old photos

Today, I came back home for the first time in 5 months. My room felt clean thanks to my father's effort in cleaning it just for me. It smelled different and I don't know. It felt like I'm reverting to the old me but of course I don't want that! I like the present me now.

I saw the old photos from high school and "him" again. I tore them from the walls.

I've made up my mind ever since I've done a lot thinking during exchange. I'm moving on, and I'm ready than ever.

So I took out all the photos that reminded me of him. It felt good. He hurt me with pain that has lingered way too long. I don't need to be reminded again because I've suffered enough emotionally.

I am ready to be free. Replacing them with postcards of my travels would help to remind me how much exchange has impacted my life.

Goodbye old flame.

It's time to let the pain go.

It's time to forget you.

It's time to renew my faith in love.