Love yourself, give yourself one more chance

I think I'm struggling with this sense of self worth and it's really hard. There's like a big hole in my heart which hasn't been filled up. Its like I'm falling back to the old times of fear and worthless. This internship really made me question whether I made mistakes that others should not have made. Is my mistakes really that bad? Why am I not allowed to make such mistakes?

I'm new right? Why am I being judged for making mistakes when I haven't had a chance to learn from them? My gosh. And they treat me like I should have known it because of my school brand equity. Its like I shouldn't made this kind of mistakes because the previous interns don't. I don't know how they behave, but they could have been the cream of the crop. They make me feel like they think its a mistake to hire me.

Its really sad and I feel like this kind of environment makes me close off. I can't bring myself out when I get these kind of vibes. So painful.

They don't take note of a disability. Please be mindful of what you say because it can really hurt.

I want to go back to the club. To interact with people my own age rather than adults who are impatient. I wonder how they would feel if their own children are being born the way I am, and treated the way I am.

Its an event soon and I have to breathe. I am wonderful. I am great the way I am. My character makes people like me which is why I have friends. I may not be the most outgoing person, but I care. I will help you because I want to, not to take advantage of you. I promise to be kind always for there are people who may be even lonelier than me. I am good looking. Love yourself, give yourself one more chance. You deserve it, and only you can give yourself a chance.

Internship

Today marked a month since I started this internship and so far, it has been very difficult in terms of politics and interpersonal communication.

I've been given peanuts to do at work and I spent 95% of the time there doing nothing. Literally zero things to do. It is a struggle for me to waste my time and I also can't while my time since the office is pretty small and my back is facing the entrance.

Anyway, I've gotten this impression since the first week that I'm slow and uncertain as compared to the previous interns. It's really not nice to hear that. I told my supervisor about my medical condition and for a time, we've clicked. After that, she didn't really care.

Gotta remind myself that work is work. In the real world, people don't care about your medical condition as long as you are competent enough to lighten their workload.

But experiencing really made me wonder; how many people with this condition actually were able to prove to their bosses without letting them know about the condition.

Today, I had lunch with two of my colleagues and they were incredibly nice. They said, love yourself before others can love you. If she were to care about this person, she wouldn't mind the condition. Anyway, it is truly heartening to hear that.

My insecurities really grow and I feel really frightened of the uncertainty in the future. But my friend told me to give this a chance which I agree.

My cousin told me some really cool advice: stroke the dog the right way. Do it the other way and the dog won't be happy. Sometimes you have to purposely please her so that the relationship can be better. Other than that, you don't have to repeat her instructions to clarify. You can repeat a keyword to clarify.