Break up

So I finally gathered my courage to tell him I didn't want a relationship for certain. As how guys are, he took it hard and was quite salty about it. Guys really do have prides.

I tried to put it nicely to him and we could have ended it there, but he decisively decided to push the blame to me. He said he did warn me and that I should consider being in a relationship if I couldn't hang on longer. I should have tolerated more, he said.

At this moment, I truly thank the Gods for helping me. He just ascertained for me that I made the right choice.

I showed my guy friend and boy, he was pissed off. He typed out a long message to help me rebut and told me I should knock some sense into him.

It took me one hour to craft a message I could feel satisfied with. Firstly I apologized because I did started the whole thing, and then whacked him for some reasons he said.

Tolerance? Sorry my friend, a relationship works only when I can tolerate it, and the fact that you don't seem to respect my boundaries is a big no. You just didn't seem to be the person. In fact, when you kissed me that night, it felt wrong.

You told me physical touch is your sign of affection. Again, many guys can hold back if they're just dating for a few days. You do not simply unzip everything in a single day of getting together.

Now then, I realised he really didn't have EQ.

He replied my messages and said, "well, very business and diplomatic as usual." Haha tbh, was that an insult? That's kind of funny. It's more of a childish stab to make me feel bad.

He said he actually wasn't ready for a relationship, and started trying to rebut by saying that he would be able to accept everything about his partner, and talk it out before walking away. Once again my dear friend, I am capable of that. It is just you who feels wrong. I do not want to continue with someone who didn't feel right. I am not going to change you to become someone who feels right for me.

Anyway, my first kiss and subsequent kisses are just small sacrifices. I am just so glad this case is closed before I become too invested in this relationship.

It could have been toxic, with me being unhappy.

I'm just so thankful for my friends who all saw through him, and kept warning me to get the hell out of it. They kept telling me that I deserved so much better.

3 days of dating was short, but it could have been so much worse.

Finally, this chapter has been closed.

I've learnt that you should never bring a guy to your room alone because they really do lose control of themselves. Secondly, do not enter into a relationship so quickly when you don't know him well. Third, if you don't think he is right in your gut feeling, trust it and get the fuck out. Fourth, always love yourself. He implied that I should have stayed longer, but no I don't think I want more nonsense like that from him. I deserve someone better.

I kept deliberating because I thought, what if he was only like this for 10% of the time? Maybe he showed it to me at the wrong time? But guess what, I texted a friend who was still in the summer school. I asked how did he find the guy and he replied that the guy has changed. Apparently the guy was a snake and did everything for a motive. That made it even clearer to me and I was so thankful for my choice.

I think it is very important for a guy to handle conflicts maturely (not a childish stab btw). He apologised too often that even an apology starts to lose its meaning. I don't want a guy who doesn't have confidence in his actions. I also want a guy who has his own life. From what I could tell, he would totally forget everything and focus on the partner only, with excessive affection.

All in all, I'm glad this whole disaster of a relationship, albeit short, is over.

Pace

My emotions are a mess now. I am quite uncertain about the whole situation. Who knew my first kiss would be a French kiss?

So basically I met him during my summer school. I really thought of him as a friend at first but as I observed him more, I realised that he was kind (extremely), considerate and he knew how to take charge of the group. Little things such as reminding us what to bring before we embarked on the next destination, making sure we all boarded the train before he did, and navigating the way for us. 

He was in my morning class with another girl. Since we would try to sit next to each other, we tended to get paired up together to practise on each other. Many times he would correct my pronunciation (since he already could speak fluently), and helped me with my homework. He also responded really quickly to my messages.

I really thought of him as a friend, and probably admired him too. On that Friday night, he took me and my roommate out for dessert, with him paying the bulk of it (and it ain't cheap). It was a birthday treat from him and I thought it was sweet of him.

The next day, he asked me if I had plans in the morning. I was confused as to whether it was a date but I agreed. A while later, he messaged me that our friend, X, was coming to join us. I felt disappointed but I agreed. 

X was super late. She joined us around 4pm. That meant that I was with him from 10am onwards. We ate at a cafe and did window shopping afterwards. He would hold out his hand for me when I was trying my shoes. 

I held them.

When X came, we headed to a restaurant and cat cafe. We had to order a drink each, so he and I ordered whisky while X ordered a milder drink. Tilted me.

After it, he told X to go back alone while he took me home. We got on the bus together and feeling tired and drunk (fellow ladies, pls do not get drunk till u can't think properly), i rested my head on this shoulders. He kept telling me to sleep and he put his hand on the side of my head. I said, if I made you uncomfortable, please say so. He laughed and said no, why would he.

Ladies and gentlemen, at this point, I was so confused if he actually liked me.

He texted my roommate to fetch me back to the room. At that surreal moment, it felt right.

The next day, it was a festival. He was so close to a friend that I became angry and confused. What did the night meant to him? It felt like he was putting a fish net for fishes (aka me and this friend) and was trying to switch between us. I was so pissed at that thought and the fact that it felt like I was possibly lightbulbing them, that I told them I really wanted to eat a particular food, and I stormed off.

I ate gyoza alone in the rain, and whilst struggling with the chopsticks and the umbrella, I spilt sauce all over my arms. Frustration and possibly jealousy, welled up in me. I took out my cap and simultaneously dropped my cap when my roommate found me. She knew from my expression that I was about to cry, and I hung onto her. I whispered to her that I was so annoyed, I really wanted to leave immediately. Knowing that the group would realise something was wrong, she told me to hang in there and shared her food with me (best pal girl ever). We ate and I didn't look at him in the eye.

I bought takoyaki and while trying to eat, my hair kept falling into my food. He reached out to tuck my hair behind, which further confused me. We left quickly after that, with me buying 2 cans of strong beer to get drunk on.

He texted me, asking if I was alright. I asked, do you think I'm alright? He said, well, you look tired. I said, did I look tired to you? To summarise this whole conversation, I kind of confessed that I liked him, and I was so prepared to be rejected. Imagine my surprise when he said he did like me back but he wasn't sure. We decided to meet up the next day to talk.

I met him near my hostel and we bought cans of beer. Initially we wanted to go to a park to talk, but that night, it was cold. So we decided to just go to my room to talk (big mistake yall: never bring a guy to your room alone).

We started revealing things about each other, and expectations we want to have about each other. He asked me, "do you want me?". I was confused because I wasn't sure. I only knew him for 3 weeks plus. I avoided his question and said, well you aren't sure about me too. He replied, "It depends on you. Do you want me?"

1. He was in my room, sitting on the floor.
2. At that point, he was this guy that was kind, mature, and caring.

I told him, "You may be the guy I am looking for. Would that answer your question?" Blinking a few seconds, he stood up and looked at me in the eye.

I knew what was coming but nevertheless, I still flinched when he brought his head closer to mine. Squeezing my eyes shut, I felt his lips contact mine. What I never expected was the feel of his tongue in my mouth. I thought, wait is this a French kiss?

We pulled away, and I looked away. I said, "This is my first kiss. Is this a French kiss? I've never done it before." He leaned even closer and smirked, "well, you'll get to practise a lot". I was quite turned off, but he french-kissed me again. We kissed a total of 6 times, and he even kissed my neck and my forehead. Millions of red flags. Was this a guy who can't control himself? Was he not what I thought he was?

Hugging me, he asked if I was happy. What else could I say?

We held hands while we walked back to the station. That night, he texted me if he could call me darling. Another red flag.

I told him it was too fast and he agreed to slow down. We were official for a total of 3 days.

On the third day, we were catching up and he stated that he would like to bring me to an adult shop.

Me: With just me or with the rest?
Him: No, just you alone.
Me: Haha, why just me? And we've gone to an adult shop with the rest before.
Him: Yeah but it's different. I want to describe to you how I will use the sex toys on you.
Me: ...

I told him it wasn't funny as a joke. I had told him to slow down since that night, and we were not at the stage to tell dirty jokes. I didn't like it, and I told him that we should go back to being friends. He agreed.

Up to now, he continued to text me repeatedly everyday.

I just had a face to face conversation with one of my guy best friends, and he said, it sounded like he is desperate for sex. He disapproved of him. Majority of my closest friends said no too.

I guess that I'll cut him off. There's too many red flags even at the beginning. He isn't who I thought he was.