Bringing him home

 My bf finally came over to my place. It has been something we've been planning for a long time (a month?) and I've been rly nervous for him and my fam. Ofc I hoped he would make a good impression on them, but I also felt judged by my fam whether I made the right choice of choosing him (or rather to proceed with the relationship). I rmbr my father saying like he rly wanted to meet the guy who captured his high standard daughter (ehem he didn't know about the japan guy). So ya, I felt pressured that my dad realises that I can make the "right" decisions. But on hindsight, I shouldn't feel that way because there is no right decision at this current juncture. I'm with him because it felt right for now. What may change in the future is something we can't predict but I'd definitely work hard for us. 

Anyway they had a pretty good impression of him I think? My mum and sibling gave him 8/10 which is seriously a high score. I asked my mom and she said she had the feeling that my bf rly pampers me a lot, while my bro said he felt that my bf is v down to earth, there's substance in what he says, and he wasn't an idiot HAHAHA.

My dad didn't want to give a rating but he said he is okay. I won't ask my dad further cus it may cause some biases in my perception of him. Anyway I was really glad to see that my choice to be with him is good, since he really sounded very knowledgeable. I was honestly quite impressed with how he probed and answered their questions. He knew a few things of my sibling's interest about the computer and photography, which probably also impressed my sib. For me, I got to see a different side of him, the mature and aware side of him.

When my dad left my room, my bf whispered to me about how he is doing and I said pretty good. He kind of puckered his lips and I gave him a quick peck on his lips and he smiled. What a cutie.

Otw back, he asked me how he did and I said I would give him 10/10, and that I believed he made a very good impression (which is true). My dad told him he is an intelligent guy, which he was quite surprised and he personally told me it must have been out of politeness. 

I asked my dad about it and he said he doesn't just say if a person is intelligent. He felt that his general knowledge is pretty good and he rly worked hard to get to where he is now. I could tell my dad was also seeking my approval if he did well in not making my bf awkward (yes he did, but he talked way too much until I felt super tired too). 

Anyway I had a hard time eating dinner because I wasn't sure about what I portrayed myself as: a daughter or a girlfriend. That was a struggle indeed. 

I feel like I'm more assured when he met my fam, so I know he really wasn't joking about our relationship. Before we parted, he said love you, and I said thanks and goodnight. Helps.

On text, I thanked him for making the effort to get to know us, and he replied, "You are worth it."

I'm really touched that I have such a beautiful soul as my boyfriend, who is also understanding and considerate.

Oh we went to choose Royce chocolate and I said my dad likes dark chocolate; about 60% would be good. I looked at the matcha and said well, something different would work too. He joked, "am I buying it for your dad or for you", and I gave him puppy eyes. I said well, matcha works too and he said to be safe, he would buy both. One for me and one for my fam. Awww TT

I feel like I'm not totally in love with him yet, but I really know that he is really a good boyfriend. I want to treasure him, but at the same time, I wish I could get to know him better. I feel like he knows alot about me, but I don't know much about him. He doesn't really tell me things (since he tends to keep things to himself) and I feel like getting to know his childhood friend is a step that I have to take very soon. It is also an opener to seeing him with his close friends and this will help me know more about him as a person. I love him, but it takes time for me to say it. Hypocritical, but it is true. 

I like him, I feel happy with him, and I feel safe with him too. Shielding me from the rain isn't lost on me, and I'm really surprised. I don't know what he sees in me to commit to me, but I choose him and I will commit to him. We'll fix our obstacles in time to come, but I hope to give him happiness too. 

Love Profession

 Just 3 days ago on 22 Nov, my bf professed his love for me face to face. I was quite thankful, but didn't know how to respond. I wasn't ready to say I love him (though I didn't rly mind doing it on text). I think I treat those words very preciously, and I found it hard to say it. 

I adore him and I'm very thankful that he is quite considerate, easy going, and reassuring. Before that, we were "cuddling" at the bench near the playground, enjoying our quiet and intimate moment. I really live for moments like that. Initially I was asking him about my friend's situation, where he wasn't sure why he couldn't see himself with his gf in the future even though they had been together for 2 years. 

My bf said that he needed to think back, what had attracted him to her in the first place. He thought it is really a waste to give up, which i agreed but I thought that if he were to be unhappy, it would be better to break up sooner than later. 

Anyway, that was how it led to the cuddling moment, and I just like the vibes we have together. It's just cuddly; cozy and just really nice. Anyway, after I told him the story, he said this was the real reason why I didn't want to do it subconsciously. I was stunned when he said that, because I hadn't thought of that. He asked if I wasn't ready because I didn't know what will happen in the future and wouldn't want to give my first to someone if I was still uncertain. He assured me that he would do his best to reassure me, and that he could understand why I would feel that way. 

He told me that he would wait, and hugged me. He said that it is fine, he would meet my family first. I told him we have a long way to go; our mutual friends don't know about us (we don't intend to tell everyone but rather, we shouldn't feel the need to hide). He agreed and we said we would take it slow as it comes along.

Anyway so when I was about to send him back, he professed his love and obviously wanted the same words said back. I couldn't bring myself to say it, which he felt really sad. I told him my reason why I can't say it because I would only say it when I truly am sure and I needed more time. He said we were probably not on the same page and that he needed to pace himself slower for me. I couldn't respond to that because I do agree.

I told him that I would not stop him from saying such words, but I just needed more time. Getting there but time is still the important factor for me. I can't lie for nuts. Anyway I told him that I still care for him because he is my "baos". He said that he would not use the 3 letters word to pace himself and make himself less disappointed. 

But after saying that, he squinted at me for a few seconds, before hugging me and saying that he would still say "i love you".

His point was that he doesn't need to wait for the moment to say it (I.e. when the time is long enough, when the feels is there). He believes that commitment is most impt and that it should be said to express the feelings. 

I asked him what does he like about me: he said that he liked that I'm considerate and I'm putting in effort as he is into the relationship. Not sure where the consideration comes from but yeah. Maybe I will ask him again.

I asked him how he knows its love, and he says that's no textbook feeling about love and it's different(?) for everyone. Strange right hahaha