We broke up officially.
I tried 3 times to persuade him to work on the relationship again but he was not emotionally ready, neither was he sure how soon it'd take for him to recover.
He told me to not wait for him (he didn't want me to be put down like that) and felt that it was not fair to me.
I said even if I wait, is it really zero chance? He said at the moment, yes. And I heard him mutter "maybe in the future, you never know". After trying my best, I realise that I could finally accept the break up, even though it was stupid.
I asked him for his perspective as to when things went wrong. He said there wasn't any to pinpoint, but rather a domino effect where one thing led to another. He was tired of compromising, and his faith was shaken. He said it'd take a long time, and he didn't want to hold me back, neither is it fair for him to continue the rs half hearted.
I respected his decision. He said if the stars align, if he has recovered, if I'm still single, and we were both ready to give it another try, then perhaps.
I said to him; if you still have feelings for me, and you recovered faster than expected, you must contact me. He said okay, but told me again not to wait for him.
He said if the stars align; if I'm still single, and he has feelings, it'll be up to himself to chase me. I joked and said well I may reject you 3 times as well; and he laughed. He said yes, it'll be his turn to try harder.
I feel sad that it ended like this, but I'm excited to consider new relationships with new guys, hopefully it'll be even more tender and loving.
As I promised him, I will move on. If a better guy falls on my lap, I will make no mistake. If he chooses to chase me again, we will see the context then.
I want to lose weight, and be more confident about my body. I also want to hang out with friends again. And I want to love someone as well, maybe considering to increase body counts? I don't know hahaha but it'll be fun to see what happens. Let fate take me, bring me to where I am meant to be with.
I fought hard, and I think perhaps the timing isn't great now. So perhaps it's better to break up and reevaluate my choices in partners. It's meant to happen (because he was stubborn, it might have prevented further pain down the road). Whether it's for us to come out stronger, or for us to find more suitable partners, we will see.
I an glad to talk to him for a final time. I didn't realise how much I missed his voice. I enjoyed listening as a final farewell for now.
