It has been a really long 1 or 2 years since that day. I decided to look back on our conversation to see if I have changed my mind on anything about my words. When I read our conversation again, it just dawned upon me. I would not change a single thing about my replies. If I were to live that day again, I would still choose those words.
Like my friend said, it's a good thing because it meant that I chose my words very carefully.
I think I've been avoiding the harsh truth: he has never thought of me as a friend. Even though we made group trips in our youth, we were never considered close. I've been to his house, but it doesn't necessarily mean I'm his friend. Just an acquaintance that he was simply being too kind with.
I really was a fool. Being so blindly in love with him, maybe I started having fantasies about our relationship.
This explains why even though I took the first step to try to mend our relationship, he didn't make that effort back. If I really am someone he chooses to keep, he would definitely reciprocate.
I guess, he really is one of the many people that I'll meet once in a lifetime. Meant to cross paths once and its over.
There's nothing left for me to regret. I have ascertained that I would still have chosen that path even if I relived that day and that's enough.
To you, you have taught me leadership and influence. What it really means to think out of the box. To you, you have taught me what it meant to be so blindly in love. To really see no one else but you. To you, I have given my heart, so sure of my choice but you never gave me a chance.
I used to live those days when I would think of you every passing days. It gets better now even though I'm still struggling while you already had 2 partners since then. Maybe I saw my future with you and that made me cling to you longer than I should have.
Words are powerful.
We just weren't meant to be at the start. You were just a teacher and my needed inspirational speaker during those tiring and dark days.
I'm still glad I met you. But its time to put you out of my mind. I hope you will not be a trauma to me, a chain to my past. I will seek new lights, new fires, and new souls.
You shall forever remain as a skeleton of my past. Difficult to break through, but eventually I will.
I really did loved you. But someday, I will thank you for not making the choice to be with me.
