I dont understand why my dad keeps asking me to share problems about me and my partner... like I tried telling him that I didn't want to discuss it now; now isn't the appropriate time to talk about it; I didnt want to have his impression of my partner turn bad...
But I caved in because he got mad. I feel like this is rly something I don't want to do to my future kids. Family boundary is a thing. If someone in the family doesn't want to talk about it, and they're usually very reasonable, they know what they're talking about, can you for once, stop relating everything to trust issues?
It's not about trust, I'm setting the boundary that this is something between me and my partner. I promised that problems between us would not be discussed with my family. I feel really shit about this, and I'm half mad at my dad. I know he wants to protect me, and I know what I'm doing. He keeps saying I don't know!
So infuriated. I think I rly have to tell him that boundary is a thing. I want him to RESPECT it when I don't want to share something. You know me; if I think its something to be shared, I will. Right now this isn't a thing... I don't know why I decided to share something that affects me, but thank goodness I made it a small thing i.e. the vulgarities. Thank god I didn't say about it being used against his family.
But I do agree that it is something unacceptable, the more I think about it. If he is educated, he should be able to tell that this vulgarity should not be used against parents. He can use it with his friends for all I care, that's fine. But with me, and his parents, it's a low class way of talking and very disrespectful.
I only brought up 3 issues and I tried to make them tiny. But honestly my dad was surprised about the vulgarity part, which made me regret telling him since it would change his perception of my partner.
I'm worried he will tell my mother, and she will be even more concerned. I'm tired, I don't want to deal with this. I still like my partner, and I want to do him justice.
But at the same time, I'm afraid of making a mistake. Maybe I don't see things right. That's when parents experiences come in. Okay this is the last time I will share problems with my dad. He is concerned I know, but when I think it's something that requires his perspective then I will ask. Otherwise, he should trust that I know how to handle. This is really showing me that he doesn't think I know what to look out in a relationship. Pls, when you were my age; did ah ma butt into everything? No right.
Again; I will emphasise a lot about family boundary. Some things you have to push kids especially when they're young. Otherwise, if you trust them and they have a reason to not say things, please please please respect their choices.
Doing this is showing that boundaries are not meant to be respected. But that's very wrong. Even in a family, boundary has to be set healthily to prevent any invasion of privacy.
I feel guilty, but again, I shared a miniscule of what I've been through. It's tough, but I'm mature and I know what to see. I'm sorry to my partner; I'll try my best to protect you from now on because regardless of everything, you're part of me, and I love you like how I love my family.
