I don't know if I got backstabbed.
My friend/colleague did not tell me she was requested to pitch for a new client. I only found out 5 days later, and I was quite hurt that she did not tell me first when she had the opportunity; but I heard from my boss.
I worked longer than she did, but somehow my boss hasn't given me the opportunity. I felt so tired of work, tired of trying hard and not been enough.
I really want to leave; but I cannot find another job. I'm desperate to leave this life because its a vicious cycle. I don't see a way out.
I'm thinking of speaking to my boss that I'm thinking of transferring out of this account because whatever I do, it's not enough. I'm discouraged, and tired. I'm not recognised enough.
Or should I speak to HR before I talk to my boss? I'm not sure. Maybe I'll give it a week after I come back to talk to my boss and assess how open she is.
I really need to leave.
While VN trip has been great, I've done all sorts of self care as I could do: spa; attractions; enjoying nature. However, my mental care of writing and processing my feelings; I've not yet done it.
Writing puts structure to my thoughts. For example, in this trip; I wondered if I could have a fwb. My close friend is about to propose. I remember the tiny spark in between us, and I wondered what would have happened that night had either of us crossed the line. Would we still be friends, or would we have translated to something more, or back to strangers?
Then I wondered what can I do if I'm sexually frustrated. Should I find a friend who is open to fuck me, yet still be friends? Or should I go online to have ONS? I kept pondering over these questions.
But I feel that I'm only sexually frustrated when I'm not working. I just want to cuddle with a man, to feel sexy I guess? To feel wanted.
I saw Korean couples wearing matching shirts and how I envy them. They're so cute together. I want someone who can protect me, excite me, and support me.
Will I be able to find someone like that?
