Ex-Love

So I am gradually starting to see more of my precious friends get attached, and I'm sincerely happy for them. There's a guy here that is not too bad, and I wouldn't mind dating him to get to know him better. Like for fun, no strings attached, just to see if we fit, and so I wouldn't need to get hurt if we actually don't work out. We could remain friends, in my opinion, cause he doesn't seem to be that sort of person that would avoid you.

Anyway, I just feel a slight tinge of loneliness; could be because of the pressure I'm starting to feel from my family and friends. And I can't forget about Him. The very first guy I felt this feeling of unconditional love towards. Sure, I had crushes before, but this was not like the previous crushes.

I'm quite certain I really did love him, even though it was not reciprocated.

I hadn't felt this even when I'm with other guys. I am trying to move on after the heartbreak I had about him (and I thought I did) but the sadness from that day still lingers in me. And yet, I still can't forget this feeling of love and joy back then. When our eyes met. When he talked to me.

He could have been the right person for me, but we just met at the wrong time.

I just wonder if I could ever feel the same way towards another guy... I just hope to date a guy soon, just to find out who would be suitable for me, and to really move on.

Monitoring my life

I'm in the middle of my exchange overseas and to be honest, I'm so glad to be away from insufferable/ toxic people back in my country. I really appreciate the idea of independence, it's being so empowering so far. I do have the ability to make judgments (even though I made mistakes here and there) and the discipline (somewhat?) to carry out the activities I want to do.

But what really drives me nuts is that my parents expect me to report every single detail to them. They say I don't care about easing their worries etc; but the thing is that I do! Not everytime, but that's the whole point. When I get a partner, am I supposed to tell them every single details? When I get married and move out? I understand their concern to a certain extent but I really wish they would trust me more, and not worry even if I don't reply them. I even take the initiative to call them?

If they keep asking me to fill them in every single week, what's really the point of going exchange? It's to put a wall, they can't see me all the time. In the future, there'll be many instances where I'll do things without telling them; this is adult stuff.

I have the right not to tell them certain things already, this is the time for them to get used to it. I'm not going to be swayed by his "guilt-tripping" as he always does. It's my life, and they have their lives. They have controlled enough of my life.

If you can't see or hear me, you just have to let it go and trust me unconditionally. Every other week, we can catch up, but please, not every single week... I'm sick of it. I rather be here, away from them for another year or something.