Table of Reasoning

Reasons why I want to quit:

1. Manager:

- Nothing I can learn from Manager. She's not as knowledgeable as other managers in this industry. 

- Overdependent on me. No support from her in terms of ops side (except only when I'm sick the past 2 days)

- I will have to live with her for at least 4 months. Okay, not too bad, just a little more to hang on.

- Doesn't set clear boundaries with the clients ie. Tell client that we are stretched, we cannot do this and that. 

- Overpromise clients and expects me to clean up after her.

- Says she has "no time" to do report together because she has to do xxx number of things that are ridiculous, because it is within her responsibility as a manager to do it. It is also about the same as what I do on a daily basis.

- Talk only, inefficient in doing things: while I'm trying to clear as many tasks as possible

- Promised that she would keep track of convo during my birthday; but did not.

- Expect me to work as she wants me to "ping" her after office hours.

TOXIC.

2. Clients: 

- Demanding clients with no clear sense of SLA and what is impossible.

- No respect for our personal time

- Expects things to be done swee swee when there's only 2 humans in charge of 11 people

- TOXIC

Options:

1. Quit during probation

PROS:

- 1 month notice period

CONS:

- No job secured yet

2. Transfer to another team

PROS:

- Bigger team + friend

- Better (?) managers

- Continue to learn more about media industry

CONS:

- not sure about clients

- chemistry with manager too?

- banking: not sure what I'd learn from there too. 

- role: is it the same as what I'm doing now?

3. Hang on for another 1 mth while I find another job

PROS:

- better chances of securing a better job

CONS:

- 3 months notice period instead

- will go into the festive period of death

New Job

 It's 2am and my mind is still racing even though my body is tired. I'm really having second thoughts about this job. 

Started on Mon, and somehow they kept asking me many questions about the projects. Obviously, I don't know much?? I read emails and let my boss answer since I'm not at the stage that I can answer them myself. I'm trying to learn, but I keep getting interrupted by meetings, and even then, there's hardly things to contribute when I'm only 3 days old (minus the Monday, since that day is filled with just HR and IT things).

When I tried taking an initiative, my boss asked me to add on more things, but I'm just feeling things around. Once I'm more familiar, I would be able to add on more things. 

Tbh, I feel like its really a downer that she's hard to get along with, and she's the only person on my team. I'm at her beck and call, and I also can't really do a proper job when she speaks so loud and I can't catch some words. She didn't really take initiative to get to know me better, in fact she's just... busy. 

In a new industry with no one to guide me on the procedures, I'm so lost. Today, the client complained that we are behind time. She said to me angrily the meeting room like "XX complained, YY complained, ZZ is going to complain". I just stared at her, because, as much as I like to help, I still catch no balls about what is happening now. She explains in pieces, and I just don't know what to look out for. 

It's really depressing being helpless, yet I know it's not fair to me, because I'm so new, and she shouldn't be getting frustrated and angry at me. What does she expect me to do in the first week? Lol. Plus, she had 15 years of experience compared to me. 

Client kept missing out info, and I assumed she knew what is it, either over call, or through standard practises. How would I know when to chase clients, when I don't know the standard practises yet? 

The team were also close knitted, and didn't really involve us. Is this the infamous politics? No clue. But it definitely makes this experience even more harder than what it already is. The only thing I can do is to keep trying to help (though she doesn't reply my messages too - and only calls at night, after work...). 

I got to be patient and kind to myself, even if she isn't, or rather even if no one is. I remember I suffered during my first 3 months of my first job, so this should be similar. Once I get the hang of it, hopefully it'll be much more easier to do things faster.

I'm also worried about my health. Seeing them eat so much despite sitting all day (my boss is also a heavy smoker), I wonder how to make time for my exercises during the weekdays. As if this isn't depressing already...

My boss and I also has this generation gap, while the other members were quite okay and close together. I kind of envy them ): I wished I have a better mentor who doesn't cough every hour, friendly, and able to explain things patiently. Sigh, at this rate, I can only be hopeful that I last a year. Or at least when she quits,, hopefully a replacement will be much closer to my age and of course, hope I'm already capable enough. Rip...

Resignation

Today, I've made one of the biggest decision in my life; and that is to move on from my job. 

I finally got the ball rolling; but at the same time, I can't help but think if I'm making making a mistake. 

Here's the pros and cons of leaving:

+ a seasoned mentor to guide me 

+ a deeper dive into the area to know if it is suitable for me/ something I like

+ fast paced so I'd have to pick up a lot more things

+hard skill sets that is definitely required in the future

+ boss seems to be quite understanding

+ no right time to leave

- sacrifice sleep

- leaving a familiar work environment 

- won't be able to see through a potential project (though it is a small part of my current BAU - which I hate a lot)

- critical time for team (I can only try my best to hang on, and tide them through this period)

- less flexibility; more at the mercy of others and also less independence

- maybe more milestones are achieved when I'm not there to benefit from.

I feel like I'm betraying the team; but I also feel like if I don't take the leap, I'll be wasting another additional year to learn the hard skills that I need for my future career. One more year means one more year of the same thing I've been working on; which I know very well that I dislike - except the new project I'm working on now.

I'll miss the team, they've been cool and genuine to work with; I won't be there to celebrate more milestones together. Hopefully I'll absorb everything I need, and then move on after 1-2 years back to client company. 

It's normal to feel upset, to wonder if I should take back the resignation, but such is life. This article shows exactly what I feel: https://www.themuse.com/amp/advice/feelings-youll-have-when-you-quit-job-you-still-care-about 

I still care so much. Sometimes I see that there is potential, sometimes I see that there is so much problem. Hais...

Interview in 2 years

Submitted a random resume to G***** maybe during the weekend? And got the call today (which I thought it was a spam call and didn't pick up). Got the email that they are inviting me to a 30 min interview.

Job scope is weird, maybe will check it out again on Sun cus I'm tired today. 

A bit excited because I wanna see how I'll perform for this interview. Fake it till you make it you know? Anyway I'm just gonna prep some questions and even if I don't get it, it's gonna be a good refresh since I've not gone for one in two years hahaha.

I'll need to prepare my intro again, and what I do. Also I should recall what I've done in my company, and how I can value add to Garena. Also to prepare some questions that is important to ask. Most importantly, I want my pay to be above $4k, market rate. I'm tired of my pathetic pay.

Let's just get the job first or even if I don't, the experience and fine tuning of my resume then! I'll think about the rest i.e. my course, my team, etc. Just very tired of working with the same people on the same shit haha maybe I'm the kind that needs to float around.

Reminds me of the Charmed Intuition. I watched the vid and she said the 2nd week there'll be a new change or clarify about my confusion or sth? Hope that next week will be good and kind to me.

Let good things manifest please, my heart has been troubled over the last few months 🥲