I should stop worrying about finding love, and continue loving myself.
I've gotten myself too attached too early. I should use this chance to take a step back, and focus on myself.
Right now, I need to focus on getting my diet right, and anxiety under control.
The person for me, will be there through my ups and downs. I want to enjoy his hobbies, give him personal space if needed, pick him up when he's down, support his decisions, make him laugh, tolerate his antics, make him feel loved and wanted, give kindness and not ask anything back.
I think because I laid down my past, my scars, my fears, I became worried that he'd leave me because of that. But that's okay, it'd help me weed out the people not up to dating me.
I might have rushed things too much, but the uncertainty of not having a label triggered my anxiety.
I have to be okay to give personal space, and let the person come around. I don't expect to be disrespected too, it still needs to be a reasonable amount of time.
I will work more on myself, to not let my emotions get the better of me until they've earned my vulnerability.
It's definitely a WIP :) but I'm doing much better! I think regardless of whatever that happens, my charm broke so as to ward off the evil, and I think I'm ready for whatever that comes next. It won't be good news perhaps, but I'll take that the "evil" aka the negative decision that may lead to a worse outcome, has seen itself out of the door. So whatever that happens, is meant to happen.
I won't pursue it anymore and I'll let it unfold. In the meantime, I shall continue to love myself.
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